CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS/DIRECTIONS

To minimize problems with behaviour, one of the main things is to give clear directions and making sure they understood what was told. The way we ask our kids are part of growing our relationship with them and improve communication.

It will be more likely, they will hear you and comply, when you follow this simple steps:

• Be direct. Make statements rather than asking questions: “Please sit down,” as opposed to “Are you ready to get out your homework?”

• Be close. Give instructions when you are near the child, rather than calling out from across/another the room.

• Use clear and specific commands. Instead of “Go ahead,” say, “Please go start your reading assignment.”

• Give age-appropriate instructions. Speak to your child at a level he will understand. If your child is younger, keep things simple and use words you know he knows: “Please pick up the ball.” With older children, who are so often keenly aware of not being “babies anymore” it’s important to be clear without being patronizing.

• One instructions at a time. Especially for kids who have attention challenges, try to avoid giving a series of instructions: “Please put on your sneakers, get your lunch off the kitchen counter, and meet me in the front hall.

• Keep explanations simple. Giving a rationale can increase the likelihood children will listen to a command, but not if the commands gets lost in it. For instance: “Go get your coat on because it’s raining and I don’t want you to catch a cold.” Instead, try: “It’s raining and I don’t want you to catch a cold. Go get your coat on.”

• Give kids time to process. After you give an instruction, wait a few seconds, without repeating what you said. Children then learn to listen to calm instructions given once rather than learning that they don’t need to listen because the instructions will be repeated. Watching and waiting also helps keep adults from doing what we’ve requested of our kids for them.

• Make sure / Repeat. Ask them to repeat the direction. Make sure your child follows it. Kids can be creative so it can sometimes be a little tricky to know if they did what you asked.

They may seem like they did not follow directions by: o Doing something slightly different. If the child does not do what you told her to do, she did not follow your direction. o Dawdling or stalling. Sometimes children do not immediately do what they are told to do. Instead they may say, “Wait a minute,” or tell you they are going to finish something else before following through with your directions. This is considered not following directions. o Pretending not to hear. Many children ignore directions in an attempt to delay or avoid having to do what you told her to do. This is considered not following directions. o Following part of the direction. Children sometimes do part of a direction but not the entire direction. If it is clear your child understood and is able to do what you asked, doing only part of the direction counts as not following directions. o Following directions with a bad attitude. Children may follow the direction but with a bad attitude. If the child did what you asked, she followed the direction. If you want her to follow the direction without the attitude, say that in future directions. o Undoing. Children sometimes do what you tell them to do and then undo it. This is considered following the direction. You may need a second direction or a more specific direction to get your child to do what you want and leave it as you want.

• Praise or Consequence. If your child follows your direction, tell him exactly what you like about what he has done (Praise). If he does not follow directions, give him a consequence for not doing what he was told. You may choose to use time-out, take away a privilege, or give some other consequence. When the consequence is over for not following your direction, your child should still do what you told him to do. Once he does what you asked, go back to positive interactions with him and Praise.

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